Goodbye Book: Chapter 3

From the day you returned from the inpatient hospital, you were perfect. You had your moments, but so does everyone -- making "perfect" a relative term. Even when you had your moments, you handled them in a very mature manner. It was a complete transformation that showed me that the system doesn't fail kids -- people within the system fail kids. Once I realized this, it became my biggest motivation. It became the reason why I came to work every day regardless of all the things I was not looking forward to.

I came to the conclusion that even if we as staff don't "save" every kid and we get the dreaded phone call regarding a previous discharge being admitted into another placement or lockup, or even worse - reported dead, every little thing that we do to make up for the failures of the system is a change nonetheless. Because if we look at success in our jobs as a whole, most of us (and by most of us, I mean those with a working and morally sound conscience) would drive ourselves insane because it is physically not possible.

Each staff member is 1 individual . . . 1 for every 100,000,000 children who have been ignored, beaten down, and given up on for so long, that it's a miracle if we are able to get them to stand back up before they fall down for that one last time. Unfortunately, there are more children in this world who need the help than those who are employed to help. But if we can help one child in the hundreds that we come across, then we've done SOMETHING. Maybe that one kid goes on to help five more in his lifetime. Maybe the kid who we sortakinda reached takes ONE thing from us and that one thing is what keeps him alive . . . even if it's just barely. And I think that when this becomes our perspective, we realize that helping at all is something amazing -- regardless of the quantity helped. It's a reminder of why I do what I love and why I love it and that's what keeps me going. I feel like maybe too many people go into this field and change for the worse because they start to see the injustices within the system and then when they see that they're overpowered and outnumbered, they start to not give a fuck . . . because why care when no one else does, right? It takes less effort to not give a fuck.

And I think that is what creates these injustices and inconsistencies in the system and screws the kids over, in addition to the staff who never quite give up because there are less people providing that support.

I'm sorry that people treated you the way they did. I'm also sorry if you feel a certain type of way about the child welfare system that was supposed to help you. But I'm not sorry that we crossed paths because watching you grow and cultivate all of the good within you and your life while overcoming some of the things life threw your way was (and still is) truly incredible. I don't know what helped you get to where you are today and I may never find out, but I hope that it showed you that there are people out there who really do genuinely care for you and believe in you -- people who never have and never will give up on you . . . and I can only hope you find people like this after you're discharged. Once you do find them, never let go.