Society Says.....

Scrolling through Facebook these days is like reading through a People's Magazine -- it's full of engagement posts, marriage posts, new relationships, bridal showers, baby showers, bachelorette parties -- all of the gossip you could possibly think of pertaining to two people sharing a life together.

On rare occasions, I have a fleeting thought that maybe, just maybe, I'm doing this whole life thing wrong. The idea that dating is just the thing to do seems to seep its way into conversations people have with me.

"Are you dating anyone?"
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"So what's new in YOUR love life?"
"Whatever happened to that cute guy you were talking to?"
"You must be kind of lonely..."

Or the most recent thing said to me by the cable guy when I moved into my new apartment,
"So do you have a boyfriend? . . . You need one."

Wait. I need one? Since when? My life manual failed to disclose this. Okay, maybe people say these things out of pity or concern. I'm 23, single for past 5 years, and the only love in my life is my 3 month old puppy; I'm the poster woman for the single life.

It seems like this is a typical reaction for anyone in college or post-grad. Once you graduate from high school, the natural thing to do is start thinking about settling down and figuring out who you're going to spend the rest of your life with. But the thing is, I'm okay with not following the traditional path of life because it's not something to rush into and when you go about your life doing your own thing, you learn more about yourself, about other people, and ultimately this leads to finding the person you were meant to be with all along.

I think lots of people try to make love happen and push for relationships, but you have to let it happen on its own course. I really started to like this guy after a year or two of being friends in college and then I guess we kinda had a thing, but then he became distant and moved on to other girls. Yeah, I was disappointed. I felt like I had been tossed aside so easily, but I think I was meant to have that journey... Which was both a spiritual journey and emotional journey. I think I truly knew all along that this guy and I were on different pages... I think he needed me to need him, and I didn't. I think I felt compelled to help him with the stuff he was going through, and I can't. It helped me see what I really want in a guy too and where my priorities are in life - that it goes far beyond the good qualities that I've always valued in men that he did (and still does) have. I realized that I want and need a guy who knows what he wants in life -- one who's not afraid to tell me how he feels about me. I need a guy who has his shit together. I realized that I want someone who's emotionally available and stable, who doesn't have a lot of baggage. Although we all have our own baggage, I know that I need someone who doesn't depend on me in that way. I need someone who can bring to the table the things that I can't already do on my own. Any guy who approaches me with the idea that he's going to provide for me and those things are things I can do on my own, is not the right person. He should be able to do those things on his own and bring his own unique contributions to the table. The people who toss others aside are probably ones who are at a point in their life where they seek immediate gratification, because they don't know what they want or need for the long term.

I don't think I would have recognized what I wanted unless I experienced this variation of unrequited love... I was convinced that the good qualities I saw were the most important and cancelled out all of the things that I was kinda weary of. But then it occurred to me that I was putting too much energy into something that wasn't going anywhere simply because I was making excuses for him. Whether or not they were valid isn't the point, because I realized that all those moments of uncertainty and him going from showing how he felt, to ghosting were basically an indication that he wasn't worth my time - not in that way at least. If you have to question whether or not someone cares, they don't. When they care, they're pretty fucking clear about it. I feel like life is telling me that I invest too much in people that only stick around because they gain something from it - whether that's attention/love/company/tokens of appreciation/etc. I need people in my life that make my time worth it - not people who stress me out.

So here's to all of you single women (and men, I guess) out there who are living your life and focusing on building your career and/or furthering your education, or wanderlusting with your dog -- keep doing you, the rest will follow.